


Backwards steps (to where first I left you)

by cherrywongs



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Space, Childhood Friends, Fantasy I guess, First Love, Little Prince Au, M/M, Outer Space, at least thats what i tried to do, chenle says fuck once, eventual reencounter, i know this is confusing but please bear with me, jisung uses a fake name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-17 21:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21600307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherrywongs/pseuds/cherrywongs
Summary: Chenle didn't understand many things. Then Jisung came.After he left Chenle lost quite a lot, including a part of himself.But he wasn't the only one who lost something.
Relationships: Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	Backwards steps (to where first I left you)

**Author's Note:**

> so i saw a tweet saying both chenle and jisung have read the little prince and thought writing an au would be fun. i tried my best to give this the bittersweet feeling the book has and i hope i did an okay job! please enjoy

Chenle met him for the first time on a windy night of summer.

He had been walking for hours looking for something (anything) before he ran into a tiny boy with golden hair.

"Hello," he greeted. Chenle didn't answer. He had never seen him at school. "Do you know how to speak?"

Chenle took that as a personal attack.

"Of course I do!” The boy smiled. Chenle felt scandalized. “Why wouldn't I?"

The boy giggled and shrugged.

"What is your name?"

Chenle thought he was bold. Coming out of nowhere, asking him who he was. He could very well ignore him and keep walking.

But he didn't want to leave him alone.

"Are you lost?"

The boy chuckled as he shook his head.

"What is your name?" He was persistent.

"I will tell you my name if you tell me yours first."

He hesitated for a bit.

"I don't have a name."

"You don't?"

"I’ve never needed one."

"Well, you will need one now that you're here."

The boy nodded wisely.

"You’re right." Chenle suppressed a smile. "What is your name?"

"My name is Chenle."

"Is that a pretty name?"

"I like to think so." The boy laughed. "You're not from around here, are you? We use names all the time."

"I am not. It's my first time here."

"Did you come here alone?" The boy nodded. "How long have you been here?"

"A couple of days. Although days here are longer than any of the days I've lived before."

Chenle didn't know what to say. The boy certainly did:

Do you have water on this planet?

"Are you thirsty?"

"No. But I want to drink water."

"Come with me to the Palace. We have plenty of everything there."

"Are you a prince?"

"No. That's the name of the city. Are you?"

"I’m not sure." Chenle smiled.

The boy stayed with Chenle until he left. His mother didn’t see a problem in him sharing his room with a stranger. As long as he picked up his mess, didn’t eat much and didn’t take long to shower.

They spent a lot of time talking about things, the boy had visited a lot of planets and met a lot of people. Chenle thought that made him very interesting.

Chenle liked sharing their views about the universe and its people.

“I don't know a lot about parents." Chenle thought that was a shame. "Is your father ever home?” the boy once asked him.

Chenle scrunched his nose.

“Sometimes.”

The boy nodded and scratched his neck.

“What do you like to do with him?”

“We go to the theatre and watch the most recent play.”

“Do you like those plays?”

“I like spending time with him.”

“It’s nice spending time with your loved ones.”

“Do you like spending time with someone?”

He didn’t answer.

“Tell me a story.” Chenle requested as the little prince played by a creek.

“What kind of story?” The boy asked turning to Chenle, who was playing with a salamander while sitting on the riverside.

“Your favorite one.” He said letting his little friend go.

“I have one that I like a lot.” Chenle smiled and splashed water to him. The little prince smiled and sat on a rock. “It’s about the time I met a mermaid who thought her singing wasn’t sweet enough.”

Chenle put his arms on his knees and rested his chin on his hands.

“Why did she thought so?”

“Because no one ever came around.”

“Oh, poor thing.”

“I know. But she actually sang quite a beautiful song. It was because of a moody star near her planet. Everyone who would get close would get screamed at and sometimes even insulted."

“I didn’t know stars had a personality.”

“They do, they are usually cheerful, but some can be hostile and narrow-minded.”

“Just like people.”

The little prince nodded.

“Just like people.”

"Why do you like that story so much?"

"Because after I heard her sing I told her how pleasant her voice was. And she cried of joy. Even her star smiled. By telling her the truth!"

Chenle had never heard such a fascinating story.

“Was the mermaid pretty?

"You're unbelievable."

They used to go out to explore, and it was Chenle’s favorite activity. He already liked doing it alone, so having someone by his side was more than reassuring.

The little prince found each of their walks fascinating.

“Your planet is beautiful.”

Chenle thought he stated the obvious.

“Do you think so?”

“I wish my planet had as many things to see as yours does.”

“You could stay here forever. It’d become your planet too.”

“It doesn’t work like that,” his mouth was a straight line. “My planet needs me.”

Chenle thought he was making a fuss out of nothing. And it made him feel rage. Because no one would ever need him.

“If every single planet needed of every single person that inhabits it, then no planet in the universe could work.”

“You sound like a grown-up.” Chenle rolled his eyes. “Your planet doesn’t need you. You can come with me.”

“Yours doesn’t need me neither.”

He started running, and the little prince followed him through the valley.

Chenle soon started feeling uncomfortable about having a friend with no name. He thought if he was in his place, he’d feel weird because of everyone having a name but him.

“I have been thinking about your name!” he announced as he let himself down on his bed.

The little prince turned the page on his book.

“How are names supposed to be?”

“I think they are supposed to be meaningful. It is kind of nice you don’t have one already, so it’ll suit you better.”

The boy looked up and met his eyes with Chenle’s.

“Perhaps you grew into your name.”

“I doubt it.”

“You should stop thinking the way your mother wants you to think.”

“She says you’re out of your mind.” The little prince laughed.

“Do you think the same?”

He shook his head, the little prince smiled closing his book and laying next to him.

“Jisung, ” Chenle called, for the first time. His voice was a whisper.

“Jisung”, he repeated, caressing the letters with his mouth.

“It means you’re wise and honest.”

“I like it.”

“I bet other people will like it too.”

“Thank you.”

Jisung was more of a child than Chenle was. His mind was a confusing and indecipherable place.

"Do you think if I bring a walkie talkie with me we'll be able to communicate with each other when I leave?"

Chenle didn't like making Jisung upset, so he would tell him yes nearly every time.

"You could try."

Jisung intertwined their fingers together and took their hands to his chest.

"I've heard a lot about friendships, yet you're the first friend I have had in the whole universe. I don't know if we're doing it right."

"Well, I know I will miss you, and when I get sad I'll remember how much light I felt inside of me when I was with you. I'll hope for days like this come again."

"When I'll look up to the stars and sing, I'll think about you."

A year went by faster than Chenle would’ve wished.

He really liked Jisung.

“Are you leaving tomorrow?”

Jisung scrunched his nose and looked away.

“I’ll lose my way home if I don’t.”

Chenle took a deep breath and nodded.

He was serious about it.

“Do you want me to come to see you before you go?”

The little prince shook his head.

“I don’t want to feel remorse by leaving you alone.”

“Then don’t leave.”

“We’ve talked about this.”

Chenle almost forgot he was planning on leaving on an aircraft.

The next morning the sun came out earlier than ever. Jisung came into Chenle’s room, told him he loved him and he was happy they got to learn about each other.

“Jisung, there are a lot of things I want to tell you.”

“I love my name. I hope I don’t forget it.”

“I will remember it for the two of us.”

“I hope we get to see each other again, so you can remind me of it.”

Chenle wished they did.

Years came and went.

Chenle always wondered if the little prince did leave or if he simply disappeared. Sometimes he even thought he hallucinated his whole existence because his memories of him were blurry and the hope to see him again vanished with the air.

He also studied astronomy a couple years after Jisung left. He wanted to learn about his asteroid (325) but it was not what he mentioned it to be -there were no volcanoes for him to sweep-. So he decided to believe the universe was enormous, and the scientists of his world knew very little about it.  
When he finished school he moved to a bigger planet to attend university and study Anaerobic Biology, since it always drew his attention. And he truly had no idea other places were so full of buildings, so tall that he barely could see the sky.

“You don’t seem to be enjoying your stay there,” his father told him when he called home.

“I’m doing the best I can to have a good time, dad.”

“How are your grades?”

Chenle faked a smiled.

“Fantastic.”

“Great, because we paid a lot to sent you there.”

He wondered when he would start being interested in things adults usually were.

Chenle couldn't afford to go back home that summer, his parents couldn’t spend more money on him and he didn't have a job.

So he went out every day of his holiday, walked around and met people, wondering if he could find someone who was as pretty as interesting, but he soon realized people who had attractive faces usually settled for their beauty instead of trying to be nice. He wondered if people found him ugly, and he hoped they did.

When he lived in the Palace he would complain about kids being too loud, grandmas being too noisy and places being too far from each other. Now was when he realized it made his days prettier back then.

The following year he worked all summer to save up to transfer schools. And finally, in his third year, he packed all his things as soon as the classes ended, went to the space terminal, boarded a ship and left.

Chenle didn’t remember being happy about getting home in all his life. It always meant his vacations ended, but now it meant he didn’t have to miss it anymore.

The fresh air was so nice to his respiratory tract.

When he arrived at his house his mother hugged him tighter than ever, promised to go buy his favorite vegetables in the market and cook him a delicious soup.

He started crying as soon as he was left alone.

He missed feeling loved.

Chenle couldn't pass the university entry exam, so he moved on and as being an adult required it, he had to find a job.

His initial plan was going back to study, but life became too weird, too stressful, and soon he committed to work one hundred percent.

Nothing is completely what you expect it to be.

Chenle’s dreams were never clear, but they were always there, he didn’t notice when they disappeared somewhere in his journey. He didn’t have expectations about his life, and that way was easier for him and others, he would go where people wanted him to go, and he would do what people wanted him to do. Sometimes it didn’t turn out as bad.

"I've got a rise! I'll be transferred." he would tell everyone when they asked how things were going. It was true, and he was excited about it.

Things were hardly exciting for him.

Being an adult wasn’t easy, he suspected it since he was very young, and when he moved out of home after he had enough money to do so, and paying bills made him freak out every month, Chenle knew he was right. Sometimes he would spend a lot of money on food. Sometimes he would not sleep for entire days, and as he kept awake he would think about the times his life wasn’t like that.

“What is even the point?” He asked himself a day he walked 10 kilometers to get to the train station where he could board the line that took him to his parents in only a few hours.

“There is no point, kid.” A man answered.

He didn’t pay attention to anything different than a stranger calling him a kid. Was he still a child?

He had 3 weeks off work so he stayed, for the first time in years, more than a night in his childhood room. Spending the morning doing the chores and the afternoons keeping his parents company in whatever activity they engaged every day (his father finally retired), was by far the best way he could think of to stop worrying about his next paycheck.

He even had time to go out and walk around.

When the sun hid behind the mountains and the moon took place in the sky, his chest felt full and warm.

“Excuse me.”

Chenle turned around, a tall silhouette stood in the dunes.

“Yes?”

The man cleared his throat and walked up to him.

“Could you help me out, please? I’m lost.”

It had been ages since Chenle was in awe of someone’s beauty, he usually wouldn’t mind if someone had a cute face or not, but the boy who asked him where to find his hotel was without any doubt, the prettiest he had ever seen.

“I’m sorry, there must’ve been a mistake, the hotel you made a reservation for doesn’t exist, at least not on this planet. Are you sure you talked to the management and they told you it was here?”

The boy looked at the form.

“I did! They said it was in the Palace.”

Chenle scratched his forehead.

“Well, I’m afraid you’ve been scammed then. I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying sorry as if it was your fault. But it isn’t. It’s okay.”

“What are you gonna do, then?”

The boy smiled and shook his head, as if it was not a problem for him.

“I’ll go look for a place that doesn’t need a reservation. Thank you very much.”

“I wish I could’ve done more for you.” The boy nodded and turned around to walk away. But Chenle couldn’t let him go. “Wait.” He stopped and Chenle reached him. “There is no way you’re going to find a place with empty rooms today, it’s past the time they receive guests.”

“Well, thank you for warning me but I have no other option.”

Chenle bit his lip.

“You do. You can… you can stay with me tonight. I will go with you tomorrow so you can find a hotel.”

The boy opened his eyes wide and his whole face lighted up.

“Would you do that?”

“Yeah, sure. I’ll teach you the way.”

“Wait. I don’t know your name yet.”

“I’m Chenle. What’s yours?”

He smiled.

“My name is Peter.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

“Thank you, I chose it myself.”

“What?”

“I’m joking.”

Chenle disliked bothering his parents. First, because he already bothered them a lot when he was little. Second, because they were getting older and with age comes fatigue, and no one wants to stress their loved ones.

But sometimes there is no other option.

"Mom, please, he won't be here for long."

His father was holding her, trying to calm her by massaging her back.

"What if he steals our stuff?"

"Come on, he looks like he couldn't hurt a flower even if he wanted to."

His dad produced a sound of agreement.

There was silence for a couple of minutes, but then his mother spoke again.

"He can stay, but he has to pay what he would in a lodging house."

"Okay, thanks! I love you!"

"We love you too, sweetie."

Peter was outside his home waiting as he took a look at his mother's garden.

"Did they say yes?" Chenle nodded. "It was cute of you to invite me to your house without having your parents' approval."

"You're unbelievable."

Peter smiled.

"I hope you don't mind sharing a room with me." Chenle apologized. "We don't have a guest room."

"I know." Chenle squinted his eyes and Peter giggled. "I noticed there are only three wood doors in the corridor."

"Sure thing you did." He could have doubted Peter, but there was something in the way he smiled that made Chenle think he was one to trust.

"You can have my bed, I'll give you clean linens. I'll sleep on the couch."

"You're benevolent, Chenle." Either using strong words or saying his name like that made his stomach feel like a centrifugal machine. "Thank you."

"No worries, Peter." He smiled, as he would always do when he heard his name.

After dinner, Chenle walked Peter to his room and stayed in the door while looking at him wandering around the place.

"Do you want to watch a movie before sleeping?"

Peter smiled and sat down.

"Sure, I can't wait to see what this planet pop culture is like."

Chenle thought he didn't sound serious, but he chose to ignore it. He walked in and crossed the room to put an ingot of vanadium in the power chamber of his Photoelectric Image Transmisor (PHIT, for the younglings). He moved the interrupter and the artifact turned on.

"What do you want to watch?"

"Surprise me."

"Let's see what's on." He started switching channels and stopped when he recognized his favorite animated movie. "This one is cute."

“I think I’ve seen it before.”’

“Yeah?”

“When I was younger.” Chenle looked at him with curious eyes. “A friend of mine showed it to me.”

Chenle didn’t know other planets broadcasted their movies.

“I used to love it when I was a kid.”

“So we’ll both like it.”

They sat there, on the floor, too close to the screen to not scandalize someone’s mother, enjoying the film, telling each other little remarks about the scenes.

“Where are you from, Peter?” Chenle asked the next day when they ate the breakfast their mother cooked for them.

“I’m from an asteroid two Galaxies away from this one. To the right.”

“To the right,” he repeated. “There are lefts and rights in space?”

“Of course, people would get lost if there weren’t.”

“The only time I’ve left this planet was when I went to study in Capital. Do you know that place?”

“Oh, I stayed there for 4 complete hours. It stank.” Chenle giggled. “What did you study?”

“Anaerobic biology.” Peter invited him to talk more about it. “I wanted to know if there was a way in which a living and reasoning creature (not single-cells, basically) could travel through space where there are so little to none gases, without taking with them a way to provide those to them and make it out alive.”

“Don’t you wonder too, how are spaceships made so that they can travel from a Galaxy to others without stopping even once?”

“I guess I do.”

“Then why did only one of those things matter to you?”

Chenle wasn’t sure. It was what his younger self wanted, and he used to listen to himself before he grew up.

“I guess I wanted hope.”

“For what?”

“You make a lot of questions.”

“I’m sorry.”

Peter was weird, Chenle decided. He talked a lot and liked asking about everything, but he was also very polite and considerate, and he thought people lacked all those qualities. Even him. Especially him.

“Has your hair always been silver?”

“It used to be blond, the color of the sun according to some, but I dyed it.”

Chenle imagined his natural hair color was stunning, and he wished he could see it someday.

“Why? Did you not like it anymore?”

“It reminded me of things.”

“Things that made you sad?”

He scrunched his nose.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t find a hotel today neither, I hope I’m not bothering you or your parents.”

“They don’t even notice us when we’re home.”

“I like them, they seem to love each other a lot.”

Chenle didn’t know if he agreed, as he didn’t know many things about love.

After spending some days with Peter, Chenle discovered that being curious was all right, and making questions to other people wasn’t invasive most of the time.

“What do you do for your life?”

Peter wasn’t used to a lot of their habits.

“What?”

“Yes. What do you do? Do you work? Do you study?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t do any of those things.”

“But you do have money.” Chenle opened his eyes wide. “Are you a robber?”

Peter laughed aloud. Chenle was relieved he reacted that way because asking someone if they rob people is rude, he realized later.

“My friend gifted me money when I told them I was coming here.”

“Why did they give you money?”

“Because I didn’t have any, and adults aren’t given things for free.”

Chenle didn’t think Peter was exactly an adult.

“What about giving you money to travel to another Galaxy?”

“You try to understand everything, but it’s okay if you don’t.”

Chenle had a big problem. He chose not to charge Peter all the money his mother wanted for letting him live in their house because he didn’t think it was fair, a lodging house was expensive and he wasn’t staying in the best place of the globe. So he paid half for him instead, to avoid his father making him go away, but he was running out of money and all the places they searched for were occupied.

“Peter, I have to go back home.”

“What do you mean?”

“I have a lot of things to do and my holidays will end soon.”

Peter got up, pointing him with a confused index.

“Wait, you don’t live here with your family? Where do you live?”

Chenle didn’t get why he was surprised. He shrugged.

“Pack your stuff.”

Peter giggled and apologized.

“You’re right. Thank you for helping me, I’ll find a place to stay at by myself.”

Chenle was about to start laughing at the boy’s naivety.

“Do you want to come with me?”

“What?”

“Yes, maybe hotels aren’t filled there. And if they are you’ll stay with me.”

Peter smiled and nodded.

“Thank you.”

“This place suits you more.” Chenle rolled his eyes. "Although it would be better if you let more natural light inside, it'd be good for your spirits."

“How can you even come to that conclusion? We’ve known each other for like a week.”

“In a week you can learn many things about other people.”

“That’s an optimistic way to see life.”

“I like to think I’m optimistic. Wouldn’t you like to be it, too?”

“You do know me well, then.”

One day Chenle woke up to the living empty. Six weeks before it would’ve been the usual, but that day he was planning to take Peter to have breakfast in the city, and he left instead.

“What the fuck is going on?”

He sat on the couch, wondering what he did wrong to make Peter leave without telling him, and hoping it didn’t mean they could never see each other again.

Then the bell rang.

He opened the door, not bothering to look up because he was too busy thinking about something else when a small giggle made him roll his eyes.

“What’s with the long face?”

“You didn’t leave.”

“Did you presume I would leave without telling you how thankful I am and how much I hope we can stay friends?”

“I… also want to keep being your friend.”

“I found somewhere to stay at.”

“Really? But all places are full.”

“One of your neighbors has a free room and is willing to rent it to me because she knows I’m staying with you.”

“So she thinks I have good judgment.”

“Don’t you?”

“I hope so.”

Peter was very good with plants, and the old woman was so impressed by his skills she offered him to work in her garden and pay him a minimum wage while also letting him stay at her house.

“So you’re staying here forever?” Chenle asked when he told him he accepted the job.

“Forever is a long time.”

“But you’re staying here.”

“I guess I am.”

Chenle thought that night he overstepped their boundaries. But at that moment he didn’t even think about it. He wrapped his arms around Peter and hugged him for the first time.

“I like your hugs,” he said. Chenle thought that was something weird to say from someone he had never hugged before.

“What’s on your mind?”

Peter sighed. Chenle came over to hang with him and help him plant the season’s flower after he got home for work.

“The things I lost. They lost me too. Do they care about it?”

He slipped his hand through the stems like he wanted his finger to get hurt by the thorns, but he didn’t succeed.

“Beware, Peter. Please don’t get hurt.”

“You would care if you lost me.”

“Of course I would. You’re my friend. Now stop being edgy with those roses, it’s making me nervous.”

He pushed him away and replaced him doing the planting.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. I’ve lost things too.”

He raised an eyebrow. Chenle didn't know he could do that.

“You did?”

“I did. And I miss them every day.”

“I bet they care about you.”

Working became less painful. Because after work, and on his free days, he could spend his time with Peter, and he no longer felt stressed nor lost.

“Do you want to know what I like about this planet?”

“It would be nice, yes.”

“Apart from having cool people like you, of course. There are many beautiful places, like the desert, and the lagoons.”

Chenle chuckled and shook his head.

“Those are normal things that are in many other planets.”

“I also like the stars you can see from here. They move in the sky like they are dancing just for us.”

Chenle left out a loud laugh.

“I used to think the same when I was little.” Peter smiled and turned his head to look at him. “I like the sky a lot.”

“Watching a pretty night with your friend is a lovely experience.”

“It sure is.”

“Doing things with you is always a lovely experience.” Chenle felt his heart pumping like crazy. When Peter reached out to take his hand he almost stopped breathing. “Can I tell you something? Something that I should have told you a long time ago.”

“What is it?”

“Ever since I was a child. I have always liked looking up to the sky and singing. Because it…"

“It made you think about me?” He nodded. “Oh, Jisung.”


End file.
